My 18-month battle against pilonidal sinus disease took a colossal toll on my physical health, but no one speaks about the impact it can have on your mental health.
I struggled enormously on the mental side. Pilonidal sinus disease is not a joke and, bluntly, it is not spoken about enough in the UK.
If you are currently struggling during your pilonidal sinus recovery, please reach out to someone and talk. It’s something I massively regret during my battle; keeping your emotions bottled while trying to fight a disease is extremely damaging.
There are many platforms you can speak to someone on if you are struggling with your mental health. NHS and Mind both offer support online. Alternatively, speak to your family, friends, or anyone who you are close to.
Here is the story of how pilonidal sinus disease impacted my mental health during my recovery.
What Pilonidal Sinus Disease Impacted The Most
Aside from the physical pain and suffering that came during my aftercare process (in particular the first four surgeries), I really struggled with the mental and emotional side.
There were many different aspects I struggled with mentally, but these were the main focus/repeated issues:
Emotional Toll Of Chronic Pain
Having the physical pain of a non-healing pilonidal sinus wound was tough, but it also had a huge emotional impact.
I was not able to sit down during my recovery process, which drained me emotionally and placed further emphasis on the pilonidal sinus wound that I had.
Embarrassment
The embarrassment that I felt during my battle was extreme. Due to the location of pilonidal sinus wounds, it made trips to the GP, hospital and walk-in centre very embarrassing.
Having strangers look at a very private part of your body regularly can be embarrassing and, to be honest, a little humiliating.
However, I did not need to think this way. Everyone was very professional and understanding of my situation and you do get used to it after a while.
Isolation
Lonely does not justify what I felt during my recovery process.
I was constantly isolated in my bedroom, lying on my side in bed, hoping for things to get better.
You are left alone with your thoughts for multiple hours of the day and while my friends were planning trips abroad and enjoying life, I was completely isolated, contained between the four walls of my bedroom.
This is one of the most difficult mental issues I faced. You are pretty much forced to think about your situation and there is nothing you can do.
Self-confidence
My confidence was completely drained, whether that was my professional work confidence or my relationships with friends, family and my girlfriend.
I was a very active person before pilonidal sinus disease; loved to play football, go to the gym, etc. I lost the ability to do the things I enjoy the most, which completely stripped me of my confidence.
Also, having five surgeries and suffering from infections and complications meant I lost a lot of weight and muscle, which also had a significant impact on my self-confidence.
Anxiety & Uncertainty
I hate hospitals. Before my first surgery, I had only been to the hospital a couple of times, but I was petrified of them.
Each time I had to go back into the hospital for surgeries, check-up appointments or A&E, my anxiety went up insurmountable levels. It was a serious problem.
Also, during the recovery process, I was scared of what the next day would bring. One day the wound would look to be making progress, the next it would completely break down, start bleeding and I was back to square one.
Feeling anxious with pilonidal sinus disease is a horrible feeling.
Losing Hope
Finally, hope. It’s the one thing you have to maintain if you are struggling with your pilonidal sinus wound healing.
However, after multiple failed surgeries and approaches, multiple assessments and multiple parties providing me with conflicting information, I started to lose hope.
It’s extremely difficult to maintain the belief that things are going to get better, especially when it can be such a long process without signs of improvement (if you have issues that are not diagnosed or addressed correctly).
Please, if you are struggling with pilonidal sinus disease, make sure you never lose hope and stay as positive as you can. It will get better.
The Importance of Seeking Mental Health Support
As I mentioned at the start, you must seek mental health support if you are struggling. Do not try and win this battle alone – use the support of others or professionals like Mind or the NHS to help you get through this. And you will get through this.
I am also available to contact if you want to speak to someone who completely understands what you are going through.
Never fight alone and never give up. You will conquer pilonidal sinus disease and it is going to make you infinitely stronger in the long run!